There seems to be an opinion by those who are more on the ‘conservative’ side of life that seem to think that being a mother means you are no longer allowed the ‘luxury’ of being sexy. Well ladies, I say that is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard. Since when did becoming a mother become synonymous with lack of sex appeal? It is, often, women who have experienced the blessing of giving birth that exude a very sexy, feminine, confident glow after becoming so tuned into their own bodies, watching the maturity and growth of what child birth brings to their body. Let me preface this by stating that being sexy does not only apply to those who are considered beautiful or on the higher scale of ‘attractive’ (and beauty really is in the eye of the beholder) by societal standards. Granted, it is true that a very large portion of society has fed into the entertainment industry as a whole and taken what is a very small percentage of the human population and turned them into super fit, abnormally beautiful people with seemingly flawless skin and bodies. It seems as if no matter what channel you tune into, or magazines and books you read, or in movies and of course in the world of fashion, one simply cannot get away from what society has determined is ‘attractive and sexy’ in looks, body and size. If one were to believe the superficial of what they see, the only real way to attain these same looks is with money, fitness training, nutritionists, managers and the wonderful world of airbrushed photography. The industry can take anyone and make them what we have allowed society to determine as beautiful, sexy and attractive. Today, that means you must be a size 1 to 3 (and for runway and fashion modeling even that is on the edge of being ‘too thick’), have perfectly straight teeth that are bleached so white they practically glow when you smile, and a virtually poreless, flawless, unlined face and hair that is rich, shiny and thickly luxurious. All of that, is what society will have you believing is not only normal for females but is also the primarily acceptable look of the ‘Average Woman’. Therefore, when you look at yourself, and you see something much different (and of course, we are our own worst, most critical judge), you instantly feel as if you are less than acceptable, pretty, in shape, feminine and sexy. That type of negative thinking extends into a lack of self-love, self-respect, self-worth. You start believing in yourself overall as less of a woman and then you get depressed, start to cover up your size 6, 8, 10 or whatever size you are. You start to dress down, rather than UP, perhaps buying clothes that are unflattering to your body, too baggy to cover up what you determine is ‘too thick’ or ‘fat’. You stop wearing those cute bras and panties or lingerie to lounge in. Maybe you even start to pull away from getting your hair styled, nails done, a massage or facial. Or you start to tell yourself that you’re now ‘too old’ to be sexy. Well my friends, I am going on record to publicly say that is all just bull poopy! YOU ARE SEXY!!! Being sexy is not about your age or having a flawless face, a perfectly shaped body that is lacking in real curves because curves is synonymous with ‘thickness’ which is not what you see as the popular or socially acceptable look of runway models, Victoria Secret Angel models, Sport Illustrated Swimsuit models, lingerie models and the majority of famous actresses such as Jennifer Aniston, Gal Gadot, Angelina Jolie, Halle Berry or Victoria Secrets model Tayler Hill. It is about being comfortable and loving who you are. Sexiness is that confident energy you possess and wear like a second skin. Whether your sexiness is bold and in your face, or subtle and subdued, whether you’re a size 3 or 6 or 9 or 12 or an XL or an XXL or even larger: YOU. ARE. SEXY. Regardless what your skin tone is, small or large pores, dry or oily skin, or whether you have perfectly straight extra white teeth or crooked teeth or a gap in your teeth (does anyone remember Sandra Bernhard?): YOU. ARE. SEXY.
To help you better understand just what I’m saying, let me use myself as one example. I’m a forty-seven-year-old single mother of two grown kids; my son is in his late twenties and my daughter is in her mid-twenties and has a three-year-old daughter of her own which now makes me a grandmother (or Grammy or Gama as she calls me). I used to be a health and fitness fanatic sized 3/5 sometimes a 6 and a beast in the gym 6 sometimes 7 days a week. I’ve been a long-distance runner since I was in grade school from track to cross country. Running was my favorite form of cardio workout and stress relief. In 2006, I developed a spinal infection called Idiosyncratic Transverse Myelitis which was brought on by excessive stress levels and resulted in me becoming paralyzed from my T4 vertebrae down to the bottom of my feet (as a single mother I was grinding with 2-3 jobs and training for my first marathon). Long story short (that specific story is a separate blog post), it took me 2 years to rehabilitate enough to be able to walk without a cane again (and eventually return to the work force) and another 2 years before I could wear any sort of heels and dance again. To the average individual who doesn’t know me and my back story, I appear to be normal and healthy. What is not visible to most people is that I live with chronic neuralgia and that pins and needles feeling you get when a limb lacks circulation (aka – falls asleep) then it returns as well as residual nerve damage. I can’t feel anything but pressure in some areas of my mid torso to lower body, while other areas are very sensitive. Due to the resulting nerve damage, there are some things I can’t do anymore such as running. It aged my skin and my body which resulted in my clothing going up to a size 10-12. So many styles of clothes are made for the skinny female with no curves and I am a Latin woman with junk in the trunk so I have curves (maybe a few more than I’d like but hey, that’s just more of me to love). Until this year I also had braces for several years, which at my age is not what some would consider ‘sexy’. Based upon what society considers a beautiful and sexy woman, I fall far from the mark. But you know what? I don’t care. As far as I am concerned, I am one hell of a ‘Sexy Beeyotch’ AND I’m a ‘grammy’ so take THAT society! I take care of my skin and hair, treat myself to little things I want…just because I want it, if I can afford it. If all I can afford is $10, then that’s what I spend on myself and I have learned to enjoy every minute of it. I do light exercising and although I could do more, I don’t stress myself over it anymore like I used to nor do I worry that I won’t be sexy enough for a man. I used to look at myself in the mirror every day when I first became sick and started the long road to walking again and became familiar with all the extra curves of my body. I was very hard on myself especially whenever I attempted to work out. My mind was used to me being that ‘beast’ but my body was flipping my brain off say ‘HEY! Screw YOU man…. I can only do what I can do and I can’t do no more so stop being such a jerk” (ooooh yesss, I talk to myself often…. lol). Over time, reading a lot of self-help books, watching videos, going to counseling and just working on myself mentally and spiritually I learned to love what I saw including what I and others may consider ‘flaws’. I learned to be alright with exactly who I am. Over the years I’ve also become very comfortable in my weight and size going up and down. Therefore, if society doesn’t like how I look or find me sexy, oh well; I DO! So, too, should you my friends. Loving who you are does not mean you can’t choose to change your eating habits and life style to tone up, slim down or even thicken up in muscle or just becoming comfortable and complacent because you’re ‘in love’ or maybe you’re expecting a child. Whatever your complexion, clothing size, skin tone, muscle tone (or lack of), and regardless of your age, every day I want you to get in the habit of doing one thing: LOVE YOURSELF!!
Allow me to give you another example. Earlier I referenced an older actress. If you’re from my time (I still can’t believe I say that now…haa), perhaps you will remember the actress Sandra Bernhard (those who don’t know can goggle her at www.sandrabernhard.com). Although I am a fan of her work, I could never see what all the men around me and online and in interviews were talking about when they referenced her sexiness; not until I was much older. They would salivate over her making exclamations of how ‘sexy’ she was but all I saw, and couldn’t get past was the masculinity in her features and that gap in her teeth, not to mention her very raw, raunchy ‘up yours’ personality she had both on screen and off. It would end up with a volley of comments about how she wasn’t beautiful, not exactly pretty and was, sort of masculine looking. I would say “yeah she’s funny but not really pretty…I just don’t get it yawl” and they would always end up saying the same thing: “She has SEX APPEAL”. Well, naturally, being so young back then, I just didn’t see it, but now…. I get it! And you see these people who are not your stereotypical, model or red carpet, actor star beautiful/handsome every day. Someone who has this energy about themselves, who isn’t necessarily doing anything to draw attention, and yet he or she is getting it anyway. Why? Because, they have a sexiness about them that pulls you in like bees to honey. It is all in the confidence and being comfortable in your own skin. Loving YOU, just as you are and accepting yourself for who you are. It is that innate sense of ‘self’, that puts that sheen of sexy on you. Aaaahhhh maturity, what clarification it brings to us. The rose-colored glasses of youth have lost their rosiness and are just plain, clear glass to see the world through.
Anyway, back to what I was saying ladies and that is YES YOU ARE SEXY!!! Mother, guardian, foster parent and even grandmother…. we are ALL sexy women We are all queens. Now as to how much sexiness you wish to display publicly, is entirely up to you; but a word of advice for those women who are no longer in their twenties…or even thirties; it is not sexy to be trying to squeeze into a micro mini skirt and a half cut off spaghetti strap tank top showing all your goods (well actually, in my opinion, it’s not sexy to show all your goods at any age). I don’t want to use the conservative phrase of ‘dress age appropriate’ as it can backfire on me with the point I’m trying to make with this article, but the concept of dressing appropriately is what I’m talking about. We, as mothers (or even grandmothers) should still be able to wear clothes that flatter us, that we feel sexy in, to wear a bikini (I’ve always worn a bikini even during both pregnancies and now as a grandmother), or sexy lingerie. One major rule I’ve learned to live by is that making MOM happy is muy importante (that’s my Spanglish for ‘very important’). Dressing UP, just because it’s Tuesday, or because it’s gloomy outside but you’re full of sunshine, or simply because you enjoy looking good…well then go on woman and do your thing! You see something you like at Victoria’s or Macy’s, Nordstrom’s or maybe even Frederick’s but you’re thinking to yourself, “I don’t have a man to wear that for so…nah, never mind”. Uh-uh, noooooooo…stop that thinking right now! You go back to where ever it is you saw that cute lil’ bit of sexiness and you treat yourself. That’s right ladies…. I give you permission to be good to yourselves. Pamper yourself every now and then. Treat yourself to that sexy top, piece of lingerie, that sparkly, a facial, massage, mani/pedicure, a movie, a glass of wine or whatever it is that you want…. give yourself permission and the freedom to be ‘good’ to YOU. But remember, while we are each free to make our own choices (God gave us free will), we are never free from the consequences of those choices. And if you’re raising children of your own or have teenagers, you do have a responsibility to lead by example as well. Those who live by the motte ‘do as I say, not as I do’ are only hypocrites and your kids will not respect you for it. And as I stated, while I don’t like to say ‘age appropriate’, if you’re have teenage kids or grandkids and you’re still trying to wear booty shorts with butt cheeks hanging out, hooker heels and those cropped short see through tops with no bra of a barely there bra, well, that is not a look I would choose at any age (definitely never allowed my own daughter to wear anything that was so short her hoo-haw showed when she coughed or her top was cut down to her belly button), it is still something to take strong caution on especially if you’re not alright with your own teens/young adult kids wearing.
Below I have listed some websites to peek at and get started treating yourself to that little bit (or a lot of) sexiness you deserve. Some of these sites are more provocative than simply sexy lingerie with some websites targeting more specific tastes and others are targeting more of the average every day wear and some offer more than just lingerie. Most larger cities have some of these stores but most are online sites. You can find a large list of online only lingerie sites in this recent article at http://www.racked.com: https://www.racked.com/2016/2/1/10861012/best-lingerie-boutiques-online
Online websites to shop for yourself for lingerie, swimsuits, clothing and more:
http://www.agentprovocateur.com/us_en (this is the United States link but they are a Global company)
https://www.harlowandfox.com/pages/the-story (for cups DD to G)
https://hopelesslingerie.com/ (this lingerie is considered dark, modern and romantic…think along the lines of 50 Shades of Grey. All handmade in Melbourne, Australia)
https://www.nubianskin.com/global/ (also a Global company)
https://www.thirdlove.com/ (I love this company as it has half sizes. Yay!)
www.shoplingerielounge.com is located in Mammoth Lakes, California but has a wonderful online website that offers not only lingerie and sleepwear, but also swimwear, bath and body and they offer plus sizes.
http://marissa-inc.com/ is located in Leucadia, Ca (San Diego area). They are a highly acclaimed all female photography studio that specializes in sexy, romantic, fun photos both for yourself and/or for that special person in your life. Ladies…. I strongly encourage you do this for YOU. It is a huge boost to your self-esteem and allows you to see yourself from outside of yourself, if that makes any sense to you. The camera can bring out that special, beautiful, sexy woman in you that you may not even know is there. Allow yourself the freedom to be whomever you want to be. TRY IT! You can also find them on Instagram (http://marissa-inc.com/instagram).
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